The Accident
by pumpkaboo
Summary: Jack is in an accident and ends up in hospitals rehabilitation ward. He now has to work out a way to deal with everything he feels, the future he worked hard for and is worried won't be how he wanted it, and figure out how he feels about potential romantic relationships. Modern AU. Hospital AU.
1. Chapter 1

Jack woke up, feeling groggy. He heard voices in the hallway outside his room. He rubbed his eyes, his arms heavy. He frowned.

This wasn't his bedroom.

This wasn't his house.

He was in hospital. In a bed. In a ward.

He looked at the machines he was hooked up to. He had zero idea heat half of them did, but he pressed the call button on that hung from his bed rail and waited. A nurse would come, right? A doctor? Someone?

His door opened within seconds, revealing a doctor, a nurse and his mom and dad.

"Jackson! You're awake!" his mother cried, rushing to his side.

"Wh- yeah... why am I here?" he asked, his mind strangely foggy. Most likely had something to do with all the machines.

"Jackson... something terrible happened to you... and we had to make a decision to save your life."

He frowned. "What?"

"You don't remember what happened?" his father finally spoke up.

Jack shook his head. He had no idea what was going on, why would he know what happened?

"You were in a terrible accident... and to save you we had to... as your mother said, make a huge decision."

The doctor stepped closer, warily. The nurse looked at him and walked around to the other side of Jack's bed.

"May I explain?" the doctor suggested.

His father nodded, making way for the doctor.

"Mr Overland unfortunately we had to amputate your right leg below the knee."

Jack felt his whole world stop. He couldn't stop this crazy, rushing feeling that made its way through his head as his brain tried to make sense of what the doctor said.

His right leg had been amputated.

He had no right leg. Lower leg. He had no leg below his knee.

He was no longer 'whole'. He felt a sickening feeling in his chest. A tight, restrictive feeling that wanted to overflow into actual vomit. He pulled the sheets back from his lower body and gasped. "No..." he whispered. He looked at his parents. "Mom... my... my leg..."

She nodded, tears filling her eyes. "Jackson, it was the hardest decision we ever had to make. Trust me. I am so sorry."

He breathed in a deep, shaky breath. "Why..." he shook his head. "This... this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me."

His father, who wasn't an empathetic man at all, sighed. "Jackson, this is for your own good. You will thank us that you are alive. You should also be grateful that I earn enough to keep you in hospital, and have you rehabilitated by the best."

"Dear, how about we try and make Jackson feel more comfortable, rather than stressing him out" his mother said, touching his fathers arm.

His father nodded. "Good idea. Let's hire him a psychologist."

His mother sighed. "Whatever you want James."

"What do you want me to say? We both work. We don't have time to sit around in here all day. I don't want to have to fork out extra money for Emma's nanny."

"You're the only one insistent on keeping her around. Emma will be twelve this year, she doesn't need a nanny."

"Mr and Mrs. Overland, may I please suggest not fighting in the hospital?" the nurse said softly.

Jack chuckled, although it came out harsh. "That is just how they speak to each other."

"Oh, sorry."

Jack looked back at his leg. It was repulsive to him. He couldn't look away. He felt like a child staring at someone 'different' for the first time. That odd curiosity that they held. He leaned over and touched the bandage that covered his lower limb. He couldn't believe that under this would be what was left of his lower leg. That small piece of muscle that will eventually... hopefully support a prosthetic limb.

He couldn't believe this happened. His dream of figure skating dimmed. It was like the lights had gone out in that part of his life. It was just a dream to him now. He felt tears fall from his eyes again. It would take a long time for him to get where he was... if he even could.

Then he thought about his students. His figure skating students. That was his career. Teaching fucking ice staking. Did his students know what happened? Did they know that he was in hospital? How long had he even been in here?

His mother placed her warm hand on his. It felt like it was burning him. He looked up at her.

"I'll visit when I can."

He nodded, knowing that meant 'rarely'. 'Never'.

His father just nodded and they left the room.

He guessed he didn't expect much more of them. He looked at the doctor and nurse.

"The physiotherapist will see you in your room" said the doctor. "Monday around nine, okay?"

He nodded.

The nurse started taking his temperature, checked his heart rate and asked him a bunch of questions. "Did you need to go to the bathroom?" she finished with.

He shook his head.

"Okay. When you need to go you will need to buzz for a nurse. Don't be afraid to buzz. We do get busy, but we won't forget about you." She looked at his medication "Full name and date of birth."

He replied and took the medicine. Wincing as it went down. He finished the water. "Could I please have more water?"

She nodded, scribbling on his file. "Absolutely. I will get you a bottle, how is that?"

He nodded. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"Oh, also Jackson, the doctor forgot to tell you that mid next week you will be attending Occupational Therapy as well."

"Occupational Therapy? What is that?"

"Its when they help you to redo things that help in every day life. For example Ana may do some cooking and food prep with you and find ways to make doing things in your daily life easier."

He nodded. "Okay."

"I'll be back with that water."

He looked towards the window. He felt like his whole life had shattered. What was he going to do now?


	2. Chapter 2

Monday at nine o' clock, or eight fifty, he noted, came around too quick.

The physiotherapist introduced herself as Astrid, who would be helping him for the first three days before Henry came back. Whoever Henry was. Apparently another physio.

"So, every day at nine-"

"Eight fifty."

She politely ignored him and continued. "I will come down here and we will do around an hour of exercises... we will see how you go. We don't want to make you really tired. Then at two you will do them again. Won't be an hour though. Maybe half. We will see how you're doing" she added.

He nodded. He was dressed in sweatpants and a singlet that his mother had brought in. Not that she had physically brought them to him, but at least he had clothes that weren't hospital gowns. Besides the underwear thing. She hadn't brought him underwear at all. At least free balling wasn't a bad thing with the pants he had. It was comfortable, and not so obvious.

Jack liked to have thought that his mother didn't know where to find him since he had been moved from the surgery ward to the the Rehabilitation ward, but he knew that she had known, just gave zero fucks.

Astrid smiled comfortingly as she stood in front of him. "I hear you're a figure skater."

"Not anymore" he looked at his leg, trying to hide the disgust he felt.

She sighed. "Jackson... don't be so down on yourself-"

"You know, its not easy waking up and not having a fucking leg. I never... I never felt repulsed by amputees, but... I don't..." he sighed. "I don't like it" he whispered, pointing to his own leg.

She nodded understandingly. "I know... I know... its... its a huge change Jackson-"

"Jack is fine."

She smiled. "Jack... I know you can get through this. And you will recover quickly. You're healthy. You are fit. That makes a huge difference with recovery." She stood up. "I promise I won't overwork you today. We will do some light exercises to get your body used to moving."

He nodded. "Okay."

"So, today we will do some stretching exercises. Henry will do weight bearing and balancing activities with you next week, I'd presume. Just so you know what is going to be happening."

He nodded. "Okay."

"I know you will be fine. You had to have had great balance as a figure skater, so... can I ask why figure skating?"

"I... I don't know. I just enjoyed it so much... I just wanted to teach everyone to skate... and then I finished school this year and this... and that was what I decided to do." He shrugged. "I used to do competitions and everything... I just... I loved everything about it."

She smiled. "See, that enthusiasm. We can get that back."

He smiled. "You think?"

"I do. What do you say?"

"Good. Great."

"Don't worry, just because I won't be here after Wednesday doesn't mean you wont have someone to work towards your goal with. Henry is amazing at his job."

"Better than you?"

"Way better. He just..." she shrugged. "You'll understand when you meet him. He is lovely. Really. I mean it."

Jack nodded. "Okay. Its daunting."

"The exercises or meeting Henry?"

"Both" he decided.

She nodded understandingly. "I understand your parents have asked Koz to help you."

"Koz?"

"Oh, you weren't aware" she rubbed her face with her hand. "Well, Kozmotis Pitchiner will be your psychologist, and he is amazing. I promise. He will be great to talk to. He will be really helpful to you."

Jack nodded. So many thing. Physiotherapy, occupational therapy, psychology...

"I promise that is it. You don't need speech pathology, and the dietitian won't place too many restrictions on your food I'm sure."

He chuckled. "Okay."

She grinned. "There! A real smile. Your occupational therapist is going to love your teeth" she laughed.

"She will?"

"She will."

...

Jack had never thought that lying in a bed and stretching would work, but it was probably some of the best stretching he had done in his life. He had loved yoga and pilates before, but he never knew that it pay off now, and would be so good for him now that he was recovering.

Astrid was nice, she was supportive, spoke calmly and explained everything to him.

He actually couldn't wait until two. It was so boring just lying in bed, but she encouraged him to stretch once an hour, even if it was just for ten or so minutes.

By the time lunch came around, he was actually hungry, having not been over the weekend, which seemed to annoy the nurses and the dietitian had come up at lunch that day to explain the importance of eating right.

Now he was exhausted. It was just before one and he knew if he had a nap before Astrid came back he would feel better.

...

"So Jack" Astrid said, walking into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Great."

She smiled. "Good, I'm glad. Did you have a rest?"

He nodded.

"Excellent. We are just going to go over those stretches. Did you go through any of them while I was out?"

"I did."

"How did you go? I hope you didn't overdo it" she added.

"No. Just a few stretches. Probably didn't even make it to five minutes" he admitted.

She nodded. "You don't have to push yourself. It will be easier once you're able to move about a bit more easier. I hope the nurses have been helping you to turn over" she added, almost as a joke.

"Of course they have" he managed a chuckle.

She smiled. "Now, have you had any pain from your leg?"

"No... and no phantom limb pain."

"Good. If you have any troubles get your doctor in here."

He nodded.

"He may be able to help. Especially if one of us physios aren't here." She bit her lip. "Although phantom pain doesn't really have a cure. Sometimes taking even just ibuprofen is enough to calm it down. I have seen it in patients before."

He nodded.

"Well, I guess the pain medication they are giving you now is enough to sate it. Well, how do you feel about doing some stretches?"

"Good."

"Good. If you feel tired and need a break just let me know. Also if you are feeling any pain at all, okay?"

"Yep."

She nodded. "Okay. Let's go through them then. Actually, I should ask if its okay. I am going to massage the stump before I change the dressings, is that okay?"

"Don't nurses usually change the dressings?"

"I am a nurse too."

"You are?"

"Yep. Trained as a nurse and went back to do physiotherapy."

"So, guessing you like physiotherapy more?"

She chuckled. "You could say that. Also I want to see how its healing so I can let Hiccup know."

"Hiccup?"

"I mean Henry. Sorry. We're childhood friends. That's his nickname."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"So, you can tell me about him?"

"Of course. But maybe another time."

"Okay. I understand. And yes, you can massage my stump."

"Thank you. It will be good for it. I promise. It will lower the risk of oedema-"

"What?"

"Excess fluid swelling, basically."

He crinkled his nose. "Okay."

"There is a lot of things I should go through with you, but there is just so much. I'm sorry."

"I had someone on the weekend come in. I think she was one of the nurses."

"Did she give you booklets?"

He nodded.

"Good. "Did you read them though."

"I did. There was a lot of reading though."

"I know. Did you have any questions?"

"Uh... I did, but... I should have wrote them down."

"Its okay. Next time you do think of them, write them down and if I am still here I will answer them or if Henry is here, he can."

He nodded.

"Good. Just remember, no question is stupid. We are here to help, okay?"

"I understand."

She smiled. "Stop being so shy."

"I can't help it."

"What is it that bothers you?"

"I just..." he shrugged. "I don't know. Its all stupid."

"No, not at all" she frowned. "Jack, how are you feeling emotionally?"

"Stressed. Scared. Nervous."

"I will try and get Koz up here tonight."

"No, I'm-"

"Jack, be honest with me. If you need to see him, he will come up, I promise."

He nodded. "I would like to talk to him" he said, tears rolling down his pale cheeks. "I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare apologize."

"Oh, okay."

She sighed. "I will just stuck to the massage. I don't want to overdo it. Don't worry! There is always tomorrow."

He nodded. He wiped his eyes, feeling like a loser. He couldn't seem to control his emotions. He wanted to be able to deal with everything himself, but he didn't think he could. He knew that he couldn't.

She unwrapped the dressing, holding firmly, but not too roughly to his stump. "If it hurts or feels uncomfortable, let me know."

He nodded. "Okay."

She rubbed cream in her hands, warming it up. "I'll show you how to massage tomorrow afternoon, then you can get the motions right and you can start to massage also. It really helps, and its okay to do it a few times a day if need be. It will also help with phantom pain." She started firmly stroking his limb with both of her hands, being careful of the suture line. "So, you won't want to be too rough. You will have to be careful of the suture line" she said. "We don't want you pulling at the sutures or knocking off the scabs where its healing. Its looking good though."

He nodded. He couldn't imagine it actually 'looking good' but Astrid had probably seen many amputations, hence not saying that his leg was 'attractive' in any way, but healing well. The thought made him smile. His leg was the opposite of attractive.

She looked at him. "How is it feeling?"

He nodded. "Yeah, good."

She nodded. "Good. When its healed more, Henry will show you how to massage the scar."

"What?"

"He will go through it all with you. I don't want to overwhelm you. I feel like I am doing way too much of that." She finished up the massage. "There we go."

Jack looked at the time, hardly believing that she had been massaging him for fifteen minutes.

She stood up, gently placing his limb on the pillow. "I am just going to clean it a little and make sure its dry before redressing it."

He nodded. "Thank you."

She nodded. "No worries. I will call Koz afterwards. He will probably arrive announced, is that okay? Its just what he does."

Jack nodded. "That's fine."

She wiped his leg down gently, drying it, and re-bandaging it. "How does it feel? Not too right?"

"No, feels fine."

She smiled. "Good. Well, I will see you tomorrow."

"Thanks for today."

She smiled. "You're more than welcome."

...

Jack woke from his light sleep, noting the door to his room was open. He propped himself up, looking around to see a tall, black haired man wearing a greatcoat talking quietly to one of the nurses.

"Ah, Jackson" the nurse smiled. "I'm just here to check up on you."

He nodded.

"Name and date of birth."

He replied, receiving the meds and taking them.

"Hopefully I'm not holding you up Koz" she said, writing down Jack's blood pressure.

"No, not at all. I literally have all evening with Mr. Frost here."

She smiled. "Thank you. Did you need to go to the bathroom?" she asked quickly.

"I went before I fell asleep" he replied.

She nodded. "Okay." She walked out, closing the door.

Jack looked at Koz, feeling a little intimidated.

Koz smiled softly, taking his greatcoat off. "Well, I would have liked to talk about amputation and... have gone through this whole procedure with you before you had the operation, but I hear it was... I suppose you could say an emergency. You almost died in that car accident, didn't you?"

He nodded. "That is what I was told."

Koz nodded. "I am sorry that I wasn't able to come and see you over the weekend. I was called by your doctor, but... well, let's talk about you, Mr. Frost."

"Um, you can call me Jack."

He nodded, a small smile quirked at the corner of his mouth. "Well, Jack, let's talk over how your feeling. I think that is important. I read over your file before when you were sleeping."

Jack swallowed. "I just... for all the whinging I do and all the negative thoughts I've been having... I can't even think of what to say."

Koz nodded. "I understand. It is after all, a confusing time for you. Yes? This is the biggest change you have gone through in your life."

Jack nodded. "Yeah... Exactly. I just... I can't stop thinking about... why me? Why did this have to happen to me. I feel... like people will look at me different and... I taught figure skating and ice skating... and what will my students think of me? Will they think I am a freak?"

Koz looked at him, retrieving a pen from his greatcoat pocket. "Why do you suggest that?"

"I want to skate so badly. I just feel that... I won't be able to do what I want anymore." He wiped his eyes. "I want my students... to not think of me as a failure. I want them to look at me, as though there is nothing wrong with me. I just want people to see me as whole... although I'm not anymore."

Koz wrote some notes down. "Hmm... so... you work with children? Your students are children?"

Jack nodded.

"What ages do you work with?"

"My students are ages six and up. The oldest student I had was twenty. I had just turned seventeen, so..." he managed a chuckle. "It was funny, because it was hard for him to take me seriously. I mean... I guess he expected someone who was like twice my age and height and weight... but I liked the challenge that I was presented. But usually fifteen is the oldest. Unless they are beginning in their teens."

"Wait... how old are you?" Koz asked.

"I will be eighteen in December."

He nodded. "I couldn't remember reading your age, I do apologize."

Jack shrugged. "I guess... age doesn't matte in the grand scheme of things." He rubbed his temples. "Sorry to bother you, could you pass me that pillow?"

"Don't apologize." He reached for the pillow and stood up. "Where would you like it?" he asked.

"Oh, just behind my back."

He nodded. "Can you lean forward?"

Jack nodded. "Actually-"

"It's okay." He slid the pillow behind Jacks shoulder blades, helping him to move forward so that the pillow moved behind his lower back. "How is that?"

"Better."

"So, how has physiotherapy? I shouldn't ask since it would only have been a day or so, yes?"

"Yeah, had my first session this morning."

"How did you feel?"

"Nervous. I thought that I would really... not be so great... but it was stretching and it was amazing. I felt so good. But you know... no matter how much yoga I have done in my life... it couldn't have prepared me for this morning."

"What makes you say that?" he asked with a small smile.

"It is a lot harder when you don't have..." he beckoned to his leg. "Y'know I just don't feel complete. I mean..." he shrugged. "I never thought I would feel this way. I always felt confident and outgoing... I mean, I guess I was a little shy at times, but... I honestly thought that..." he shook his head. "I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Please Jack, don't apologize. You don't have to. There is nothing you need to be sorry for. You have done nothing wrong. I am not here to judge you. I am here as an ear, and I want you to vent these feelings to me. I want you to tell me, show me how you really feel. I don't want you to sugar coat it. Just be brutally honest with me."

He bit his lip. "I think I want to... I think..." he sighed. "Its not suicidal. I feel like there is something I need." He rubbed his eyes, tears blurring his vision. "I know... this is..." he shook his head. "I'm a virgin. I know its not important... sex, that is... but I feel like... I will never have a normal sex life."

"That is simply not true. But, then again, I may not be able to change your opinion, and I understand that, but I do know that if you want to have sex, you can. I would just wait until you are healed. And I don't recommend you rush into this. You can still form a proper loving and consensual relationship with someone."

"I don't want to be a fetish."

"You won't be."

Jack blushed. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. What did-"

"I know, don't apologize. But... I feel embarrassed. I only brought up sex because-"

"You don't want to talk about how you really feel."

Jack nodded. "Its really hard. I don't know how to feel about this. I just... I am confused. I feel angry, and stressed... I hate the way I look. How can someone think I am beautiful, when I feel so... ugly."

"Do you really want to place all your appeal on being, as you said, 'whole'? Jack, you are more than an amputee. I know I sound like an asshole, but Jack... you are young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. You can accomplish what you want. I just want to say, I would like to continue working with you. I feel that we can work through everything."

Jack nodded.

Koz turned the page of his notebook. "So, care to elaborate on your feelings? I know it can be hard to put feelings into work, but we have plenty of time, not just today, but until you are... have had enough of this, break ties with me find a new or find a new psychologist. If that is the case I can recommend a wonderful coworker of mine."

Jack shook his head. "No... this is good. I need this."

Koz leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "I know its hard to open up at first, but if you need to talk to me at all during the week, or if you want to schedule another appointment, please call me" he passed Jack a business card. "I don't work for the hospital, but I work with the hospital. If you need to talk, please call me."

He nodded.

He looked at his watch. "Well, we still have about half an hour. It's up to you if you want me to come back another day, or if you want to continue."

"I don't know... its nice just to have someone who listens."

He nodded. "Huh, I see. How is your relationship with your family?"

"It was better when I was younger."

He nodded. "How so?"

"My parents seemed closer... we all did."

"You have siblings?"

"Emma, my sister."

"And you two are close?"

"Yeah. Well, not as close as we used to be... " he shrugged. "I guess its cause she is a teenager now. She has her own friends and schoolwork, hobbies..."

Koz nodded. "So, there is a considerable age difference?"

"Only five years... I guess it is a bit of an age gap..." he shrugged. "It never bothered us. I mean, when she was born I was already five, but... as I got older I ended up babysitting her more and more. My parents both have busy lives. When she was two or three we got a nanny who still lives with us-"

"You still have a nanny?"

"My sister does. Mum wants to get rid of her, dad wants to keep her around."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I think its weird." He shrugged. "I guess its just how it is."

Koz nodded.

Jack. "Is... is it ever weird that people tell you all about themselves?"

"No, not at all."

Jack nodded. "I mean, I know it sounds stupid, but... I feel nervous. Um, talking to you."

"Is it how I look? The way I act?"

"No... I didn't think I would ever want to tell someone I don't know everything bout myself."

Koz smiled. "You can tell me whatever you want. Just remember, I don't talk about this with anyone else. I promise."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I mean it. No one read what I write, I speak of this session to no one."

Jack nodded.

"Would you say you are shy, Jack? Or are you outgoing?"

Jack thought about it. "I was... I would like to say I am outgoing, but that's only when I'm at work. I feel like I can be 'me' without being criticized."

"What is the criticism you are wary of?"

"Mostly who I am, how I look..." he sighed. "I guess now I am afraid that I will be... I don't want people to judge me for this" he pointed at his leg. "Being pansexual and looking feminine and having that... I don't like having people judge me on who I am. I guess I am a little sensitive."

Koz nodded. "How would you describe yourself as a student when you were at school?"

"A little but studious, a little bit class clown" he smiled.

"You smiled. What were you thinking?"

"Oh... just... school in general. How I could have done things differently. I mean, I didn't feel that I had to be super studious. I didn't want to go to university. I knew I wanted to teach ice skating and figure skating. My mom and dad were disappointed that I didn't want to go to university. I mean, they are both university graduates. My sister wants to go to university too. I never wanted to. I never even thought about it." He sighed. "I guess I knew what I wanted to do. I didn't need to go to university to achieve what I wanted."

"How do you feel about that now?"

"I still wouldn't go back to university."

Koz smiled. "Fair enough. Is there a reason why? Perhaps, is it to do with school?"

Jack nodded. "Its not that I don't like learning. I just... I guess sometimes its the people you have to learn with." He looked Koz. "Sometimes I wished I has different classmates, or a different teacher. Sometimes I wished I was at a different school or even home-schooled. My parents didn't... know. I never told them" he sighed.

"About the bullying?"

"They wouldn't have cared."

"You really think that?"

"Yeah, I do. It's weird. From the outside everyone thinks we are close and that we all get along and that our life is perfect. My parents have high paying jobs, my sister and I are always well dressed and people just don't see that our parents didn't raise us. We were brought up by nannies. I found out I had a nanny before they hired my sisters nanny. Only when I was really little though. I don't even remember who they were. I can't really tell you a time when I thought my parents would actually want to listen to me. Maybe I am being dramatic, but, I can make a bet with you that they won't visit my while I am in here."

Koz frowned. "You really believe that?"

"I do. I wholeheartedly believe that. Can we finish up?"

Koz nodded. "Of course. It is totally up to you. Would you like me to come by tomorrow or Wednesday?"

Jack nodded. "Wednesday." He didn't think he could be emotionally drained two days in a row.

"Same time suit you? I have someone else to see Wednesday, so if you decide you don't want to see me that's okay."

Jack simply nodded.

"Well, let me leave on a good word. You did well today Jack. We talked through things that I can see are important to you, and hopefully we can continue this on Wednesday."

Jack nodded. "Thank you."

Koz stood up and grabbed his jacket. "If you need to talk you have my number."

"I appreciate this."

Koz smiled. "You're welcome. Until then, Jack." He walked out of the room.

Jack looked at the business card Koz had given him.

Kozmotis Pitchiner

Psychologist

He read over the phone number, his finger touching the slight embossing. He liked how simple the card was. It was just a plain off white card with black ink. He put it on the tray and picked up his bottle of water, taking a sip.

It was a weird feeling, talking to someone about your life. He didn't know how he felt about it. It was nice to talk to someone without consequence, but then talking about yourself with someone you don't know has an almost guilt like afterthought. Did he really feel bad for telling Koz about his life? A little. He guessed it would always feel like this. He looked at the time.

It was just after six. Dinner would be here soon.


	3. Chapter 3

"How are you feeling today?"

Jack looked at Astrid. "Today is your last day."

She smiled. "I know."

He sighed. "I think I'm gonna miss you."

She sat down on the chair. "You know, you will do just fine with Henry. He is an incredible physiotherapist. I mean it. I'm not saying this just because I'm friends with him, but because he is just so compassionate and understanding..." she sighed.

"You two date?"

"Oh... We did once. Didn't work out. Don't tell anyone, yeah?"

He nodded. "Yep, cause I just know so many people to tell" he rolled his eyes.

She chuckled. "Right, sorry."

He shrugged. "I mean, anyone who I actually spoke to this about wouldn't even know you. So, where do you work when you aren't here?"

"I own my own business. Mostly hydrotherapy though. I enjoy it."

"Huh... sounds good."

"Yeah. It is. So, how are you feeling?"

"Good. I feel good."

"That's what I like to hear. So, how is the pain?"

"Last night wasn't so great. My leg... it was painful."

She nodded. "Did the nurses give you anything for it?"

"I called them, but no one came. I was so tired I just fell asleep."

"I'm sorry to hear."

He shrugged. "I know that all the nurses are too busy watching TV in the nurses station anyway."

When Astrid said nothing he knew he was close to being right.

"Well, let's just start on your exercises. We will finish with a massage."

He nodded.

"So, we will go over our stretches today. You have been going really well, so Henry might take you down to the gym tomorrow to have a look, how about that?"

He nodded. "Yeah... I think that will be good. I can't wait to get out of this room."

She chuckled. "Oh, by the way Ana will be by today."

"Ana?"

"She is the occupational therapist."

"Oh, you mentioned her on Monday. I forgot what occupational therapy was."

She nodded. "There is a lot of different people who work here. Henry is the physiotherapist, Ana is the occupational therapist, Sanderson is our social worker and psychologist, and Kosmotis is the psychologists, and we have a speech therapist and podiatrist who come around one a week.

"Wow."

"But its great to have such a good team. I mean, everyone who works in the rehabilitation ward are amazing."

They continued on with exercises, wearing Jack out a little too much. Astrid decided that it was enough for the morning, and she would come back in the afternoon. She finished the massage, re-strapping his stump. "Well, you have a good morning. You be nice to Ana" she grinned.

"Wh-"

"Oh, she is here now."

"Good morning Jackson!"

He looked over at the smiling lady.

"I am Ana, the OT."

"Hi Ana."

"I'll see you this afternoon" Astrid said quickly, leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

Ana sat at the chair next to the bed, a notepad in front of her. "So, Jackson, I am here to go through some things with you. I am here to help you work through your goals and help you become as independent as possible so that you can return to your normal life, or as close to it as we can. The things I will do with you is meal preparation, shower retraining, falls prevention and I will also do a home visit with you so that we can go through any renovations or changes that will need to be made to make the home safer."

"Oh... I don't think that's okay."

"Sorry?" she asked quizzically.

"My parents won't like having their house rearranged."

"Well, its more than that. You might need ramps installed at the front of the house or even inside. I haven't been yet, but we will dis-"

"No, I mean that there is no way in hell my parents will have the house remodeled for me."

"Well, next time they come and see you I will speak to them."

Jack chuckled coldly. "Good luck with that. They don't come and visit me."

"Oh..." she chewed her lip, thinking. "Well, I will give them a call later. We will also arrange shower chairs, railings, over the toilet aids if needed and of course a wheelchair."

"Um... what? Wont I get a prosthesis?"

"That is the goal, but unfortunately that isn't always an option. Henry will sort a lot of that out as we see how its all going with your leg. There is a lot that needs to be done before you can be fitted, and that may not even be until you are back home. You may have to use the wheelchair for the first few weeks or even months."

He looked down, feeling angry. Fuck this. This was bad.

"Jackson?"

"What?" he asked, feeling pathetic.

She touched his hand."Its okay Jackson. We are all here to help you. Have you spoken to a social worker?"

"No. Koz."

"Oh, he is wonderful, isn't he? I might get Sandy in here to go over a few things. Perhaps Koz can... Never mind, I will sort that out. So, I will go through a few things with you."

He nodded.

"So, since this is the first time I am seeing you I will ask you what you would like to achieve. Is there anything you would like to achieve?"

He shrugged. "I guess... being able to cook or just... I just want everything in my life to go on as normal."

She nodded. "Are you at university?"

"No. I am an figure skating teacher."

"Oh, you ice skate?"

"Yeah. I did."

"You are young. You know, I am sure Astrid has mentioned it, or Henry will. You are young, and you are obviously very fit, and you know, that helps so much with the recovery time and its an indication of how... uh... how well your full recovery will be. Like, you may very well be able to ice stake again. You may need to wait a while... and you will need to take it slow, but I think you can absolutely work towards it. Henry is great. With him helping you I am sure that you will achieve so much. I promise."

"You all seem to have a lot of faith in Henry" he said. "And I don't even know who he is."

She smiled. "Well, he will be in tomorrow. You will meet him soon enough. So, I will liaise with Henry and soon you can do some meal prep with me. We will also organize a day to do some shower retraining and I will assess how you are going with that. How about next Tuesday morning?"

"Okay" he nodded.

She smiled, "Good. I think it will be a good starting place. When its closer to your time to leave, I will do some falls prevention with you. That is really important."

He nodded. "Okay."

"Do you have any questions for me?"

He shook his head. "No. Not at the moment."

"Is there anything you want me to go over with you?"

"I don't know. I just feel like everything is... its so overwhelming."

"It is. I guess its harder when you're alone."

He nodded, blinking back tears.

"But you're okay. We are all here to help you and get you through this. Do you have another appointment with Koz?"

"Tonight."

"Good. Good. I am a believer in seeing someone to vent to. I am glad you've got Koz. He is wonderful, don't you think?"

He nodded. "He is."

She smiled. "That wasn't convincing, but you have only met him once. Well, he is great. I think so anyway. Otherwise Sandy is amazing too."

"Who is Sandy?"

"You may have heard of him as Sanderson? He is Koz's partner."

"Oh."

She nodded. "They aren't very lovey-dovey. Thank god. Seeing Koz like that would be weird" she giggled. "Just cause he can be so stoic."

Jack chuckled at the mental image of a lovey-dovey Koz.

"Aw, your smile is beautiful Jackson. Look at those beautiful white teeth. Just like freshly fallen snow."

"Oh... thank you."

She smiled. "Sorry, I sometimes get a little overenthusiastic."

"Its good. Its a little more... uplifting."

She patted his hand. "I'm glad. So, is there anything you wanted to talk about?"

He shook his head. "No... not that I can think of."

"If you need me, just ask the nurses and they will come and get me."

He nodded.

"You're just so pretty Jackson."

"I don't think you're supposed to say that to patients."

She blushed and looked at Koz. "Oh, hi Koz. How are you?"

"Good. I didn't realize you were in here." He looked at Jack. "How are you today?"

"I'm good, thanks."

"I understand I am about six hours early, but another patient canceled, so would you like to have our session now?"

Jack looked at Ana who nodded. "I will come by tomorrow and see you" she said.

"Okay. Thanks."

She smiled and waved before walking out, closing the door behind her.

Koz sat down where Ana had been. "You must feel like you're going crazy. One appointment after another today."

"Yeah... I guess its nice to be busy though."

He nodded. "Absolutely. So, how have you been?"

"Yeah, I have been feeling less... well... it depends. I thought for sure I would be able to get a prosthesis, but Ana said that not everyone is able to get one. I don't want to be in a wheelchair. That is a very real fear I have right now."

Koz nodded. "I understand. You do realize that you should be fine to get one. I am not sure what she said to you, but there is a few things that need to be done before you get one. You have to wait for the leg to not carry so much fluid, you're very young and healthy and fit, so that is definitely a positive, and from what I understand your leg is healing well, but, depending on how it heals and its overall condition is really what will be the deciding factor with you. But I don't think there will be a problem."

"You know a lot about this."

"I have worked in rehabilitation wards for over twenty years."

Jack frowned. "How old are you?" He blushed. "Sorry, that was rude. I just thought you looked so young."

"I am probably a lot older than you think. Feel free to have guess."

"I am going to be embarrassed if I get it wrong."

"Don't feel that way. I am old enough not to care anymore."

"Oh... okay. Um... forty... five?"

He chuckled. "Close. Yes."

"Fifty?"

"Closer."

"Uh... Older or younger?"

"Older."

He gasped. "What?! No way! You look like you're like, forty-ish."

"I do have good genes. My daughter definitely takes after me" he smiled proudly.

"You have a daughter? But... I thought..." he blushed.

"That I am gay?"

He nodded shyly. "Ana-"

"Don't worry. I know what she is like. I was married to Emily Jane's mother for ten years. Then she passed away..." he smiled sadly. "I worked with Sandy for so long and he helped me through everything I was feeling. I just knew that he was the one for me, and since the feeling was mutual, we got together. It took me a while to get over the death of my wife... I still love her dearly."

Jack smiled. "Wow..."

Koz smiled. "So, now that I have shared about me-"

"I never guessed your age."

"I will just share it. I am fifty five. Now, your turn to talk to me."

"Am I still allowed to be scared?"

"Of course. But... what is it that scares you?"

"Going home."

"Why?"

"Ana said that she will come to my house with me... and get renovations done. There is no way in hell my parents would agree to that. What will I do?"

"I am sure that your parents will understand. If they don't, Ana may be able to find housing for you while you recover as an outpatient."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Yes. It is at a cost, but, if your parents aren't going to agree, I am sure that this will help them either way in their decision making."

Jack nodded. "I am also worried that I will be stuck in a wheelchair."

"Well, tomorrow you will be seeing Henry, he will be able to go through it all in more detail. You will start in a wheelchair until you can get a fitting, but..." Koz sighed. "I guess that is something we will have to work on." He straightened his posture, his back popping softly. "So, as a child were you scared often? What made you worry?"

"I was plagued by nightmares as a kid" Jack admitted.

Koz looked at him. "What was your biggest fear?"

Jack looked at the end of the bed. "Funny you mention it. Growing up biggest fear was drowning. I often had dreams where I felt I was suffocating. The scariest part was being awake at the same time. I could hardly breathe, but I couldn't move either. The doctor I saw said it was sleep paralysis. I just always thought it was because I was afraid of drowning."

"Have you ever almost drowned?"

"No. I have never come close."

"Hm. Interesting."

"But not unnormal, yeah?"

"Unnormal? I don't believe that is a word Jack. But no, not uncommon. People can have fears of anything. The fear of the unknown is as rational as a fear of spiders."

Jack nodded.

"So, do you still suffer sleep paralysis?"

"No... well, not for about six months."

"How often did you used to have it?"

"At one stage it was every night. Then soon it was once or twice a week... then once or twice a month... now its hardly ever."

"How many years?"

"Most of my childhood."

"I see. Was there something going in in your life at the time it started?"

"I feel like I was so young... I can't quite remember."

He nodded. "How was everything with your parents around that time? Your sister... was she born then?"

"No... mom miscarried around that time... and my sister was born... a year later."

"How did you know your mom suffered a miscarriage?"

"Because she blamed me."

Koz raised a brow. "Pardon?"

"She yelled at me, and told me it was my fault for stressing her out. I wasn't that smart as a child. I was behind on things at school and she was mad at me for not putting in an effort. I think the hardest part of being young and having homework... was that my parents didn't have time for me. They never helped me. They didn't want to spend time with me... Just like they don't now..."

"They haven't come by?"

He shook his head. "They won't. There is no need for them to. They don't care about me. I don't want to do what they say, so they want nothing to do with me."

"Hm."

"Sorry, I shouldn't get so negative about things."

"I don't think its being negative, so much as being truthful. Be honest with me... What do you think about your parents in relation to them actually being parents?"

"They didn't want me or my sister. We are like a status thing for them. They had us to make it look like they had a nice house, amazing jobs and intelligent kids. But I let them down. They don't brag about me because I am not going to university, I didn't do particularly well at school. The only thing I was good at was ice skating. That is what I put all of my energy into"

"You say that you 'let them down'... what do you mean by that?"

"They want the business orientated child. They want me to be all about finance and owning my own business, working for them. I couldn't stand that. I would hate their lives. You could almost say that this is karma for not wanting that" he said, pointing to his leg.

Koz sighed. "Not at all Jack. Its just a roadblock. You will be up and going in no time."

He nodded. "Yeah... that's what they keep saying" he murmured. "I know that it will happen, but everything after that is scary."

Koz nodded. "At this moment, what scares you most? What is your biggest worry?"

Jack blinked a few times. He really had to sort through his feelings for that. "What scares me? My biggest fear right now... is I have so many. Not being able to figure skate, not being able to go home, my parents... not having someone like me for who I am..." he sighed. "I don't know. There is a lot of things that scare me. Nothing scares me more than not being accepted..." he wiped his eyes. "I am scared that no one will think I am beautiful and that I will be alone forever."

Koz nodded. "Well, Jack, let me say this. You are attractive. There is no doubt about that, and you do have a fun personality, yes, under all that brooding, I can see that. I am sure that you will find that someone special. There is someone for everyone. I promise you that."

Jack smiled to himself. "Thank you."

Koz nodded. "Welcome. Just remember, I don't say things that I don't mean."

Jack felt his smile widen. "I needed that. Thank you."

"You're most welcome."

Jack leaned back against the bed. "I just want to say that I like being able to talk to you like this. Its nice to talk to someone. I don't think I have ever been so honest with anyone before."

"Sometimes people just bottle things up for too long. It can be hard to want to express how you really feel. Sometimes being honest makes you feel that you will be shunned."

Jack nodded. "Yeah..."

"I don't want you to feel that way. I want you to be able to say whatever you want."

Jack nodded. "Thank you."

"You have to take care of yourself Jack. That is the most important thing for you right now." He looked at the time. "So, did you want to finish up now?"

"I like that you give me an option."

Koz chuckled. "Well, I don't want to overdo it."

"Yeah... I think that's enough for today."

Koz nodded. "Did you want to schedule another appointment?"

He nodded.

"How about one for next week? Give you some time to get used to your routine here?"

He nodded. "Okay."

"How about Monday at four?"

"Sounds good."

"Good. If you need me in the meantime, please call me. Don't feel shy about calling me."

"Thank you."

He stood up. "I will see you next week."

"See you Koz."

He nodded and walked out.

Jack sighed. It was so boring in between physio appointments and everything else. He turned on the TV and flicked through the channels, bored by shitty daytime TV. He skipped through all the channels, not interested in anything, so he just turned it back off. He wished he had a decent book or even the newspaper.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. Lunch was running late today. Usually it was here by twelve, twelve thirty at the latest. It was almost one. He sighed. Astrid would be back at two. Well, she would be here at two. Hopefully lunch would be here soon enough.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack looked at the clock on his bedside table. He had ten minutes until eight fifty. That was Astrid's nine o' clock. He wondered if it was Henry's nine o' clock too.

His last sessions with Astrid had gone well. He never realized that he would miss someone like that. She was so nice and caring... he didn't know anyone like that in his family. His family hadn't talked to him since the weekend when they were here with him.

He leaned against the bedhead and closed his eyes. "Fuck this" he whispered. He felt himself falling back asleep, but he tried to stay awake. His eyelids were heavy, his body was tired. He opened his eyes and looked at the time. Eight fifty seven. He raised a brow. So, eight fifty wasn't Henry's nine.

He tried to straighten his back a little more, but his muscles were feeling stiff and tired. Maybe he had overdone his stretching last night...

The door opened, a nurse he had seen before walked in with a man he assumed was Henry.

"Good morning Jackson, how are you feeling?" the nurse asked.

"Yeah, I am feeling... tired. But good" he said earnestly.

She nodded. "Good. And-"

"I've been to the bathroom" he said.

"Good" she nodded. She dribbled in his chart. "You can have him now Mr. Haddock."

The man chuckled. "Thanks."

She nodded and walked out.

Jack looked at Henry. Well, the guy he assumed was Henry.

Henry smiled. "Hi Mr. Overland."

"Oh, you can call me by my first name"

"Uh, do you prefer Jack or Jackson?"

"Either."

"Okay. Jackson, um..."

Jack blushed. This guy was really cute.

"So, I'm Henry, your physiotherapist. I read your file and I see that Astrid and you have been doing some stretching over the last three days. And some core strengthening. How do you feel that you are going with them?"

Jack nodded. "Good. I feel good about them. I uh... I used to do a lot of things like yoga and pilates..." he shrugged. "I was okay with the whole stretching and balancing thing."

Henry nodded. "Cool. Okay. Well, I wanted to just take a few minutes to talk and just see how everything is moving along."

"I'm not really moving at all" he said, trying to make a joke.

Henry chuckled. "Ah, well, soon enough we will have you up and moving."

Jack nodded, feeling a little too expectant.

Henry sat down on the chair next to Jack. "So, I just wanted to use this morning to get to know you."

Jack just nodded. He could barely form any words at all. He swallowed thickly.

Henry smiled. "So, you're seventeen? Are you finished school?"

"I am" he managed, his throat dry. He picked up his water bottle and took a sip. "Sorry."

"No need to apologize. You take your time. I am not overly busy today. I have a coworker from outpatients seeing some of the patients who are about to go home, so..." he looked at Jack. "I have time for you."

"Thank you."

"Welcome. Um... so, are you working, studying-?"

"I was working."

He nodded. "So, what are your goals at the moment?"

"What I want to do is be able to get to the stage where I can get a prosthesis."

Henry nodded. "We can absolutely work towards that. For the first while you will be using a wheelchair... I'm not repeating stuff to you, am I?"

"I don't mind."

Henry chuckled. "I didn't want to bore you. You said you were tired. I don't want you to fall asleep on me."

"Oh, yeah..."

"So, I thought that we could do some balancing exercises in the gym maybe from tomorrow. Seeing how you feel of course. I have my own goals, if I may suggest them-"

"Of course!"

"Thank you. So, what I want to do is to work more on transfers, um, so, from bed to wheelchair, wheelchair independence and improving bed mobility. So... I hope that these are some goals we can work together to achieve."

Jack bit his lip and nodded.

Henry looked at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. Nervous. I mean... can... I really do this? It seems so much" he said, feeling tears well in his eyes.

Henry stood up and rubbed his back. "I'm sorry Jack... I don't want to overwhelm you."

Jack shook his head. "Its... I'm just so... its just me. Sorry."

"Hey, hey, no apologizing. You have done nothing wrong. Having an amputation isn't exactly something that you planned for. This is our time together right now, so talk to me. Tell me how you feel. Is there something bothering you? Do you want me to explain anything to you?

Jack wiped his eyes, embarrassed. "No... its fine. I talk with Koz."

"How is that going?"

"Good. Its... I mean, its weird just talking to someone and feeling like you can tell them anything. When I sit with Koz I just kind of just say things I never thought I'd really talk about."

Henry nodded. "Koz is great. I am glad you are talking to him."

"Everyone speaks highly of him."

"Hm."

Jack looked down.

"Um, you're okay?"

Jack nodded.

"So... there are a few things I will work on, over the next few weeks. So,we will do some sit to stand exercises and focus on transfers, wheelchair transfers. When you're feeling a little more up to it I will get you set up with FASF or crutches..."

"FASF?"

"Forearm Support Frame. I'll show you everything when we go to the gym in the next couple of days." He frowned, counting on his fingers. "Um, I will try and get you down on the Friday. I don't work weekends, but if we just go to the gym on Friday I will be able to show you some of the equipment and go though it all with you."

"Wait, are you telling me I will be using these... arm support things without a prosthesis?"

"That's right. So, I will check how you go with hopping."

"Oh... okay."

"I know, its a lot to take in, but-"

"I want to see the gym tomorrow."

Henry raised a brow. "Are you sure?"

"Well... I mean, if I look at it I don't have to actually do anything, right?"

"We can always see it now."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"I bet its a torture room."

Henry chuckled. "Not at all." He looked at Jack. "Also Ana will do Falls Prevention work with you, and I am sure she will go through it with you, but I will also go through showing you how to get up from the floor."

Jack's eyes widened. "I..." he shook his head.

Henry looked at him softly, prompting him to continue.

Jack just shook his head.

"You know this, but... whatever you tell me is confidential."

Jack nodded.

"I don't want to make assumptions about you, but I think you would be right to start tomorrow. How does that make you feel?"

Jack nodded again. "I would like that."

"We will do some transfers this afternoon and see you how you go, and then tomorrow we will go down there and get you mobilizing. We will take it nice and slow. If you don't like anything we do, or if it hurts, you have to let me know."

Jack blushed at the words. Goddamn hormones. Goddamn the fact that his physiotherapist was damn attractive. He was embarrassed now. Being in a hospital wasn't exactly the nicest place to get off. Having nurses shower you, and people coming in and out all day. He shuddered.

"Are you okay?" asked Henry.

Jack looked at him. "Yeah. I am. I was just thinking."

Henry nodded. "So, is there anything you wanted to ask me, or talk to me about?"

"I don't know. There is so much" he shrugged. "I just want to get out of here."

"Out of this room, or the hospital?"

"Both and neither."

Henry leaned forward. "Why is that?"

"Sorry, didn't realize I was talking with Koz now."

Henry chuckled. "Sorry Jack."

"I was kind of joking. Um... its really just that being here is so depressing, but... going home won't fix anything."

"You don't have somewhere to go?"

"I do, but... Ana said that there might have to be renovation..." he sighed. "I don't know. Things in my house might need to be altered?"

Henry nodded. "Yeah, you might need to make modifications to your house if you stay in a wheelchair for the first little while."

"My parents would flip. There is no way I can-"

"Hey, hey, its okay. Have you spoken to Ana about this?"

He nodded.

"So, she can find other options for you, I am sure. When your parents come in she will be able to talk to them about it-"

"She won't have much luck with that. My parents won't visit me."

"Well, it is during the week now, so it might be this weekend they-"

"They won't visit."

"I'm sorry" said Henry softly.

"Don't be. My parents don't have time for me."

"Hey, I am sure that isn't true."

Jack frowned. "So... are you suggesting that I am making this up? That I am just a moody teen who thinks their parents are mad at them all the time?"

"No, it isn't like that-"

"Huh, really?" he sneered.

"I'm sorry. I know what its like to have a parent who isn't there."

Jack looked down. "Sorry. I just... got a little... angry."

"Don't worry about it. You're going through a tough time, and you need support. Is there anyone you're close with?"

He shrugged. "I was a loner at school. Didn't have many friends. I just kept to myself."

Henry nodded. "If there is someone you want to call-"

"Emma."

"Emma?"

"She is my younger sister. I hope she is okay..."

"Are you worried about her being in your parents care?" Henry asked cautiously.

"No, she is with the nanny."

"She is younger than you?"

"Yeah, she is twelve."

He nodded.

"I had my phone on me when I was in the accident... that means its somewhere..."

"I will ask about it, can't make too many promises."

"No... its okay. Not urgent."

"Okay. Well, I will put your room phone on your over-bed table. I will come back this afternoon for our physio session."

Jack nodded. "So, nothing this morning?"

"I can do some exercises with you-?"

"I've done my exercises already. I will make the call instead."

"Jack-"

"Phone?"

Henry nodded and moved the phone onto the table. "I will come back around two."

Jack nodded. He dialed his families home number, his fingers crossed.

Henry looked back at Jack before leaving the room.

Jack looked at the phone as it continued to ring out. Then he remembered it was a weekday, and his parents would be at work, and his sister would be at school. He groaned and set the phone back down. He looked out the window, bored.

Fuck being in hospital. He wanted out. He wanted to leave and...

He couldn't leave. He couldn't go out to the ice rink. He couldn't do anything he wanted. He wiped the tears from his eyes. He suddenly felt an overwhelming pressure through his whole body. All he wanted to do was get better, but he knew it would take time, the time he wanted to be doing things he should be doing with his life.

He shuffled around on the bed, looking around the room, his eyes falling on the TV remote. He held it in his hand, deciding whether or not he even wanted the noise. He didn't really like any TV shows, and the noise turned to an annoying blur. He set the remote back on the over-bed table. He leaned back against the bedhead. He blinked away the tears that had clouded his eyes.

All he had to do was get better as soon as he could.

...

Henry walked back in just before two. Jack watched him walked around to his bedside. "How are you feeling, Jack?"

"Fine."

"Did you get in contact with anyone at the house?"

He shook his head. "I forgot it was a weekday. The days here just turn into a blur."

"Ah, she would be in school..."

Jack nodded. "So, gym?"

Henry nodded. "Yes. You're up to it?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"I'll get the wheelchair."

Jack nodded. He watched Henry leave. He looked down at his stump. "You better be good to me" he whispered. He looked up at the door. He really didn't like looking at his stump.

"So, I don't know why you don't have a wheelchair permanently in your room-"

"The nurses just bring one in-"

"You need to have one in here all the time. I will see about getting you one. You really shouldn't be in your bed all the time. Might have to ask Ana what she has in the outpatient storeroom."

Jack nodded.

"Well, you have been using a transfer board, so I brought one in. If anyone tries to remove it let me know, cause I need you to keep it in here."

"Okay."

"This is the board you usually use, isn't it?"

He nodded. "It is."

"Good." He set the board and wheelchair up.

Jack moved the transfer board under his bum. He swallowed nervously. Transferring made him nervous every time he did it, but the more he did it, the more comfortable he would get with it. He placed his hand on the armrest of the wheelchair, the other stayed on the board.

"You seem nervous. How have you been going with this with the nurses?"

"The same."

He frowned. "I might have to teach you to pivot transfer."

"What is that?"

"We will discuss it later."

"Hey, I have a right to know" Jack said, looking up at him.

Henry nodded. "Of course."

Jack felt the ground with his foot, getting his footing. He slowly inched across the board, sitting on the wheelchair, Henry's eyes not leaving him.

"You did well" Henry said. "I don't think you really need to be nervous."

Jack nodded. "I think its just the beginning that makes me nervous."

He nodded. "It can be nerving.'

"How would you even know?" Jack murmured.

"What was that?" Henry asked, eyebrow raised curiously.

"Nothing."

"Okay. So, the difference between a board and pivot transfer is that you don't use a board. Instead of using the board you go to a semi-standing position and pivot on the ball of your foot to move to the bed, or wheelchair. We can try it when your bala-"

"I want to try it."

"Not right now. How about when we get back?"

"Okay."

"I know you want to go and do everything at once, but... these things take time."

He nodded. "I know."

Henry smiled. "So, how about we head to the gym. Do you have any questions for me?"

"None that I can think of."

"Okay."

Jack looked around as Henry pushed the wheelchair out of the room. The hallway seemed so bright. There were people everywhere. He watched the nurses rushing around and patients out with other staff. He looked around at the walls. "Huh."

"What is it?"

"These paintings-"

"They were done by some of our stroke patients. Ana likes holding a painting class."

"They are really amazing. Can I stop and look?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at Henry.

Henry looked at his watch. "Uh.. I guess."

Jack reached out and touched the wall next to one of the the paintings. "I like this one."

"Yeah, its really nice, isn't it?"

"Mm" he nodded. "I used to paint all the time."

"You did?"

Jack nodded. "I did. I did modeling for a class once. Not nude" he said quickly. "I just stood on a table thing and... it was embarrassing. I guess I was always a little awkward."

"We should keep going."

Jack nodded. "Thank you for stopping for me. I appreciate it."

They entered a room at the end of the corridor. The room was at such a pleasant temperature.

Henry stepped in front of the wheelchair, smiling at Jack. "So, I thought today we are going to do some upper body strengthening. We will work on this for a little while. I have the hand bike set up for you over here. I will get you to do it for... well, I will say five minutes. If you get tired, just stop and take a rest. It does have a timer, and it tells me how many reps you do a minute. Don't worry about it too much. Like I said, if you get tired, slow down or take a break."

Jack nodded.

"If you do well, I might change the resistance. If you get bored feel free to talk to me" he chuckled.

Jack smiled.

Henry wheeled the chair over to the hand bike, putting the breaks on the wheelchair and turned on the bike. "Okay. So, when you're ready."

Jack nodded, peddling the bike with his hands. "Whoa." This was actually harder than he thought it would be.

"How are you feeling?"

He nodded.

"Good? Bad? Is it too much too soon?"

"I feel fine" he ground out.

"Don't overdo it right away."

Jack nodded. He felt sweat break out of his forehead and back.

"You're still wearing a hospital gown. Do you have something else to wear?" Henry asked, frowning slightly.

"My parents haven't brought me anything" he spat. "I told you they don't give a fuck about me."

Henry sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I will call them for clothes tonight."

"Make sure that they are something comfortable."

He nodded.

Jack's breathing became heavy with exertion. He was ready to take a break when Henry stopped the bike.

"Five minutes up. You did really well."

Jack smiled, panting a little. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Absolutely."

Jack grinned toothily. "Thank god that is over. That was hell" he chuckled.

Henry chuckled too. "It is. It is. But you did good. So, I was thinking of showing you the other equipment. In the next week I want to get you standing at the parallel bars..." he frowned. "I will try some other transfers with you. We will work on a few other things. For now..." he looked at Jack. "We will do another five minutes on the hand bike."

"Fuck" Jack groaned.

He chuckled. "You will be fine."

"I don't know."

"You can do this, what happened to that attitude you had before?"

Jack sighed. "I am way in over my head."

Henry smiled. "I know you're feeling tired, but we will do it once more. Okay?"

Jack nodded. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, placing his hands on the hand pedals. He bit his lip and started pedaling, feeling his arms protest, but he continued anyway. Hopefully he would sleep well tonight if he wore himself out enough.

Henry watched Jack, keeping his eye on the timer. "Can you up the reps?"

"Ugh... sure..."

"Let's see how you go."

Jack frowned and pedaled faster. Jeez. This was a lot harder.

"Good. Stay at that speed."

He looked up at Henry who seemed to be in deep concentration. Or he was just focusing on the numbers on the screen.

It felt like it had been hour before Henry finally said time was up. Jack's arms fell to his side. "Ugh..." he groaned.

"How are you feeling?" Henry asked, a small smile on his face.

"Dead."

"Well, let me say, you did really well. Ten minutes."

"You said I was only doing five!"

"Well, you were doing really well and I didn't want to stop you."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Unbelievable."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better you have to get your upper body strength up so you can progress. You want that prosthesis, you work for it."

"Ugh, rude."

Henry sighed. "Its the truth Jack. I didn't mean to sound rude... I just... I want you to understand that yeah, this sucks and its hard work, but trust me, the pay off is way greater. When you can get up of a morning and you can be fully independent, you will be grateful."

Jack shrunk down in the wheelchair.

Henry crouched next to him. "Careful, I don't want you sliding out of it."

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Hey, enough with the attitude. I know you're angry, but look on the bright side, your young and you will bounce straight back."

"If I don't end up being able to wear a prosthesis I will feel like shit."

"I understand. Don't roll your eyes at me. I have done this longer than you think."

"Your like, twenty."

"Pfft, if I was twenty I would still be in university. Try twenty eight."

Jack raised a brow. "You look young."

Henry shrugged. "Good genes. So, what do you think of the gym? Not quite at torture chamber, right?"

"It is and isn't" he replied, a small smile playing at the edges of his lips.

"Well, when we go back to the room I will show you the pivot transfer. You feel up to it?"

"I sure do."

"Good. We will see if that is easier for you. You have to tell me how you feel about it though, okay? I just want to make sure."

Jack nodded. "I will."

"Good. Let's go back."

Jack looked at the parallel bars.

"What do you think?"

"Huh?" Jack looked over his shoulder at Henry.

"The parallel bars."

"Well... that is what I will be using, yeah?"

Henry nodded. "Sure is." He pushed the wheelchair over. "So, you will walk between the bars, using the bars for support like this" he said, holding onto the bars and lifting his left leg. As he jumped and landed on his right foot, he slid his arms up the bars. He pivoted on his right foot and placed his leg back down. "But we will start with just holding the bars to get used to the whole weight-bearing thing. Its a little harder when you only have one leg."

Jack frowned, but nodded.

"Talk to me" Henry said, crouching in front of him. "How do you feel about that?"

Jack nodded.

He raised a brow. "Okay. We will go back to the bedroom. Just remember that this is your wheelchair while you're here. I don't want you sitting in the bed, its really, really bad for your leg. I want you to sit in the chair, and don't move that board that's propping your leg up. Leave that too."

Jack nodded. "Okay." He had to admit, it felt a lot better sitting in the wheelchair than on the bed.

"I am sure you notice the difference already though."

Jack nodded. "I do."

"Good." He pushed the wheelchair back to the rehab ward.

"I don't want to go back" Jack groaned.

"Sorry."

Jack sighed and leaned his head back, looking up at Henry's chin. "Huh, never noticed you had chin hair" he said nonchalantly.

Henry chuckled. "That impressed huh?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. I don't grow much facial hair either" he said, running his hand over his chin."

"Thanks. I feel a lot better knowing I have the hair growing capacity of a teenager."

Jack grinned. "Sorry, wasn't meant to come off mean. I was-"

"It's okay. I know. Its funny, considering my dad has the biggest beard I have ever seen." He wheeled Jack into his room. "Here we go. Where do you want to be?"

"Next to the bed."

He nodded. "Um... if you're feeling up to it later just have a big of a practice with wheeling yourself around. Use this part of the wheel to propel it."

Jack nodded.

"But still call for help when going anywhere."

He nodded.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

He smiled. "Yeah... thanks for today."

Henry smiled. "Welcome." He walked to the door and looked back at Jack before leaving.

Jack ran his fingers along the wheels. He bit his lip. He moved the chair forward about a foot and smiled. He rolled it back again, but bumped into the bedside table. He bit his lip. He rolled a few feet forward. Amazing. He could get used to this. He could soon go anywhere. Maybe.

He looked down at his leg. He had to learn to love the way he looked now. He was awkward before. He never loved himself as much as he should have. Now he had this to add to the list of things he was anxious about. He sighed and looked towards the door.

Then he remembered he had to call his parents to drop off clothes. He managed to spin the chair around so he could reach the bedside table. He called home, hoping that Emma would answer the phone, not his parents. The phone rang once, twice, three times then cut to the answering machine. He groaned. "Leave a message after the beep" he muttered along with the answering machine. "Hey, its Jack. Just hoping someone gets this. Um... can someone bring me some clothes. I need them-" it cut off. He sighed. Well, hopefully someone had time to bring him clothes.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack woke up feeling refreshed and bubbly. He couldn't believe he felt so great. He looked at the time, seeing that it was just after seven. Breakfast would be here any minute and he was so keen to eat. He couldn't remember what he ordered, but he would enjoy it all the same.

He propped himself up on the bed, his arms feeling a little bit jellylike after the bike exercises the day before. He swallowed, his mouth feeling dry. Damn air conditioning. He reached for his water bottle only to see that it was empty. He sighed. How annoying. But the good outweighed the bad and he was feeling weirdly great.

One of the kitchen staff walked in with his breakfast tray.

"Water?" Jack asked, his threat feeling like sandpaper.

"You sound awful" the man said.

"Thanks" he croaked. He looked at the mans tag. This guy delivered his meals every day and he didn't know his name. Brian.

"I'll get you a water bottle." He set the tray on the table. He walked back to his trolley outside and brought a bottle in. "There you go."

"Thanks." As soon as Brian left, he opened the bottle and drank as much as he could without feeling sick. He set the bottle down, his breathing fast. He looked down at his tray. Toast. That was all he had ordered? He sighed and spread peanut butter on it, feeling disappointed in his decision. Usually he ordered cereal or fruit as well. He bit into the under-cooked, stale tasting toast. His cheery mood dissipating. He set the piece back down, no longer hungry. He sipped the water. Soon the nurses would be in for his shower, then he would have physio, and then... lunch... physio again... dinner... bed... with plenty of in between time to do absolutely nothing with.

"Hi."

He looked over at Ana. "Oh, hi... I didn't realize my shower assessment was today?"

"Its not, promise" she chuckled. "We will schedule it in another day. When I walked in this morning there was an overnight bag at the reception for you."

"For me?"

"Yeah, they said one of your parents dropped by with it."

"Thank god. They got my message and brought me clothes."

"Ah! Excellent." She brought the bad over. "Where would you like it?"

"Oh, just next to the beside table is fine."

She nodded and set it down. "How about we get you into the wheelchair?"

He nodded. "Please?"

"Okay. Do you pivot or slide transfer? Sorry Jack, I haven't read your recent notes."

"I slide."

She nodded. "Where is your board?"

"Just there" he pointed next to the bedside table.

She chuckled. "Can't believe I didn't see it." She set it next to him and brought the chair closer. "Okay, ready?"

He nodded and shuffled over. "The more I do this, the less scary it is" he admitted.

She smiled. "That's good. So how was physio yesterday?"

"Good."

She nodded. "How are you feeling?"

He moved his leg on the board until it lay comfortable. "I was feeling good until I realized that I mustn't have finished my breakfast order yesterday."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, its just the toast was cold" he shrugged it off.

"How about I bring you in some yogurt? There is always plenty left over from my breakfast meal preparations."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Of course. Never be afraid to ask. Well, maybe some of the nurses are scarier than others, but" she shrugged, smiling.

Jack chuckled. He could think of a couple off the top of his head that were always very stoic.

"So, how about we look at getting a shower assessment date in the next week?"

He nodded. "Yeah, of course."

She nodded. "How about... next Thursday... I will be in here about seven thirty?"

"Okay."

She smiled. "Good. I will note that down. I will probably see you around today. Otherwise have a good day Jack."

Jack smiled. "You too."

She smiled and walked out.

One of the nurses walked in a few minutes later.

Shower time.

...

Henry didn't come in until almost ten thirty. Well, there would be other patients he had to see, so he wasn't worried. Just bored. There was only so much TV he could stand before he turned it off, usually no more than an hour.

He wheeled himself around the room in his chair, bored. He was grateful that Ana had left him a small tub of yogurt that he happily ate after his shower. that had made his morning more bearable.

He was grateful that his family had brought him clothes, the unfortunate part? They didn't pack underwear. He pulled at the crotch of his sweatpants, not really liking the feeling of them brushing against him. It felt more like something he would do at home if no one else was around. Right now it just felt wrong.

When Henry walked in he seemed surprised that Jack was in 'normal' clothes. "So, your family visited?" he asked.

Jack rolled his eyes. "No. They left these at reception."

"Up here?"

"No. At the hospital lobby."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I knew they wouldn't visit me, so it really doesn't bother me."

"Ana said you went really well with your transfer. I read it in your file notes too. Good work."

"Thanks."

"I was thinking we could finish off with a pivot transfer. Just so you know how to do them. Also I was hoping you would feel up to having a go at the parallel bars."

Jack nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely."

"Good. That is what I like to hear." He moved behind Jack's wheelchair and pushed it out of the room. "So, how did you sleep?"

"Well. Really well."

"I'm really glad to hear. When is your next appointment with Koz?"

"Tomorrow evening."

He nodded. "Good."

"Yeah... it will be a good way to end my Friday."

"Will you be okay to do your stretching and core strengthening over the weekend? Its just that we don't have anyone on over the weekend-"

"I know. I will be fine" he smiled.

"Well, I am hoping you will do well with your bed to wheelchair and wheelchair to bed transfers so I can feel a little less nervous. I know that sounds bad, but... sometimes I think I worry too much."

Jack smiled. "That's understandable."

Henry nodded. "Good. I just... I didn't want to come off sounding like I don't believe you can do this or some other shit- I didn't just say that."

"Secrets safe" Jack chuckled.

"I can't believe I just said that at work."

"Don't sweat it."

"I know, I sound like an idiot."

Jack laughed. "Its not a big deal. I remember the time I swore at work. It was a disaster, one of the kid cut their finger really bad and I was like 'holy shit'. It was awkward" he sighed.

"You work with kids?"

"Yeah. Mostly."

Henry hummed. "There you go. I didn't know."

Jack shrugged. "It isn't important."

"Well, I think it is. I can see where you are coming from with what you want to achieve. I mean, going back to work will be a bit difficult for you at first, but once we know how the prosthesis will go, then we will be all good."

Jack nodded. He gathered that Henry didn't realize he didn't work with kids in a daycare setting. He sighed. He doubted that he could continue to be a ice skating instructor when he might have to start again. Then again, he was sure his body wouldn't forget, it would just have to slow down so he could make sure he was safe. He looked at the artworks as they went past them.

"You should ask Ana if you can join one of her painting sessions. Its more of a stress reliever than anything else."

"I think I will." He looked around once he was inside of the gym. There were people everywhere. "What?" he whispered.

Henry must have heard him over the noise cause he had an explanation. "Outpatient therapy day. Every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday."

"Oh..."

"So, there are a few other people here, but we will be fine. Just focus on what we are here to do."

Jack nodded.

"So, we care going to do some sit to standing, and once you have that down, we will move onto the parallel bars. How about it?"

Jack nodded. "Sounds good."

"So, we will use the parallel bars as a starting point. What you will do is shuffle forward in your chair, and use your arms to push up, so, you will grasp the bar here with your hand, then once your balanced, you can move your other hand to bar. How do you feel about doing that?"

"Yeah... I think I can."

He smiled. "Don't overdo it, okay? If you need to take a break, take a break."

Jack nodded. "Is it okay for me to be nervous?"

"Of course it is" Henry said. "But like I said, take it slow, take breaks in between and you will be fine. Promise."

What happens if I fall?"

"The chair will be right behind you."

Jack nodded. He shuffled forward on the chair. He looked up at Henry who nodded. "You got this Jack" he smiled encouragingly.

Jack bit his lip, holding onto the sides of the wheelchair and pushing up, reaching for the bar. "I can't" he said, collapsing back down.

"You were almost there. What were you feeling?"

"Afraid."

"Of falling?"

Jack nodded. "I don't want to fall."

Henry nodded. "That's okay. How about we just do the bike again this morning, and we will see how you go this afternoon?"

Jack sighed. "One more try."

Henry nodded. "If you're feeling up to it."

Jack nodded. "I don't want to give up so easily."

"It's not giving up. These things take time. You really have to build yourself up to it."

"Yeah, I understand." He tried to focus more, drown out the chatter from the outpatient groups. He shuffled forward. "So, just... push up from here?"

"Yeah."

He swallowed hard. He really wanted to put all he could into this. He pushed up and reached for the bar again. He grasped it with one hand, his second hand following to meet it. He just stared at his hands. "I... I'm up. How the fuck do I get back down?"

"I am so proud of you right now."

Jack looked at Henry.

"I like that you're a trier. I feel like I might be pushing you a little bit, but... I feel like you can do this..." his grin widened, showing off the gap in his front teeth.

Jack smiled back. "I feel nervous. How do I get down?"

"I didn't explain it? I'm sorry, I think I got carried away. The way you got up, one hand back and grasping the chair arm, then the other will follow and you can sit."

Jack nodded. He reached back, feeling unsteady and wobbly. "I'm stuck."

"You're doing just fine Jack. Just two inches-"

Jack grasped the armrest of the wheelchair. He panted, his nervousness catching up with him. "Oh god" he murmured, as he reached back with the other arm. He grasped the other side of his chair and slowly allowed himself to sink back into the seat. "Whoo..." he breathed. Jack never thought that in his whole life using parallel bars would be such hard work.

Henry looked genuinely impressed. "You have great upper body strength."

"Thank you. Like I said I used to spend a lot of time doing yoga and pilates. I really enjoyed it. I could just be a one footed yoga instructor. Imagine that."

Henry smiled. "You can do whatever you want."

"Thanks for the permission dad."

"Far our Jack. Thanks for making me feel old."

Jack grinned. "Anytime."

...

Jack was glad when Ana walked into his room. He wasn't expecting her to come in for a second time in one day, but he had wanted to ask about her painting session.

"Henry said you went really well today. I am so pleased!" she grinned.

"Thank you" he smiled toothily.

"I just thought I would come in and see you and talk a little bit more about your goals. I just want a clear picture."

"I just want to go about my day as I would have before this happened. I want to be able to cook, and shower and dress myself and go out to the cafe down the road..." he looked down at his leg. "I just want to feel normal."

She nodded. "Of course Jack, and you'll get there. You have been doing so well. I mean it. Its a big thing to have to deal with at seventeen, but..." she smiled. "I know you can do it."

"Thanks Ana. Um... I saw the paintings on the wall-"

"Ah, from my outpatients? Aren't they great?"

"Oh..."

"What's wrong?"

"Outpatients? Like... people who aren't in here?"

"Yeah, they did their time already" she chuckled.

Jack had to laugh. "I like that" he smiled. "Um... I just... I wanted to join one of your painting sessions."

"Of course! I have one next Tuesday. I will make sure I come and get you."

"Thank you."

"Welcome. I will also try and get you in for a meal prep soon too. Sorry I don't come around much. I get so busy" she admitted. "Working with in and out patients takes up a lot of time until Laura gets back. She is usually the one who works with outpatients."

He nodded. It still seemed confusing for him. All these titles and patients...

She smiled warmly. "So, painting session, meal prep... hopefully next week, and shower assessment. Okay. Next week will be a big week for you."

He smiled. "I'm ready."

"That's what I like to hear. I will see you later Jack. Rest up."

"Thanks Ana."

She smiled and left.

Ana was so nice. He wondered if she was always like this, or if it was a work facade. Either way, she seemed to be the most kindhearted person he had ever met. He was sure she would just have to be that way.

...

He finished dinner and moved the tray onto the bedside table. He reached for the telephone and dialed home. Hopefully his sister would be home now and he could speak with her. It rang a few times before the nanny answered it.

"Hello Kate here?"

"Hey, its Jack-"

"How are you? Are you better? When will you be home? Emma hasn't stopped asking about you-"

"Is Emma around?"

"Yeah, I will put her on. Emma?"

The phone went quiet for a few seconds before his younger sister spoke up. "Jack? How are you?"

"Hi Emma. I'm doing well. Thanks. How are you?"

"Good. I miss you. Will you be home soon?"

He sighed. "I may not be home for another... six weeks or so."

"Oh."

"Sorry."

"But then you will be better, yeah?"

He bit his lip. Hopefully, right? "Yeah... I will be better by then."

"Good. Can I visit you?"

"You would have to ask someone to drop you off."

"I will ask mom."

Jack rolled his eyes. He doubted he would see Emma until he went home now. "Um, visiting hours is between three and five of an afternoon."

"Okay. What about weekends?"

"I think anytime, really."

"Okay. Maybe I can come out this weekend?"

"I would love to see you Emma" he smiled. "How is school going?"

"Good. Homework is really annoying though. We get way too much" she sighed.

"I don't doubt the credibility of your statement."

She laughed. "You're such a dork."

Jack smiled.

"Well, I have to go. We are going out for dinner tonight."

"What?" They never went out to eat as a family. What was this? Had he missed one of his parents birthdays? Emma's birthday had already been. His parents birthdays were still ages away...

"We have already gone out for dinner once this week, but dad wants to go out tonight, so... yeah. We are going to dinner. Katelyn is coming too."

Even the nanny was going? Fuck his life. His parents rarely took him out for dinner. He could count the times they had gone out for dinner in the last five years on one hand. And it was less than five times.

"Well, I will talk to you later Jack."

"Oh... okay. Bye Emma."

"See you later." She hung up.

He sighed. Well, at least he had called her. That made him feel a little better, in the weirdest way. And at least Emma seemed happy. That was all that mattered.


End file.
